"You are a lazy worthless SOB! You need to smarten up and get a real job! All this stupid follow your dreams stuff is for fairies, sissies and lunatics. You are lazy, plain old lazy do you hear me?"
There he goes again, the Drill Sergeant Major. He shouts his rhetoric as he marches up and down in front of me with his baton under his arm. Buttons highly polished, shoes shined to within an inch of their lives, not a crease out of place and his hair cut to within a centimeter of non-existence. His face is red, with jaw set in his determined self-righteous way. Eyes squinting and widening as he spews forth. We will call him DSM for short. He won't like that!
There is not much that he does like. If fact his world is very small. He is a lot like Donald J Trump in his beliefs, being a first class bigot and know-all, know-nothing. He has an infallibility that is beyond measure and when faced with anything that opposes his own view of life, will dodge and weave with all the expertise of a trained soldier evading enemy bullets.
There is no point even trying to be a creative soul around this fellow. He scoffs and snorts at anything that is outside of his realm, which is most things.
It was a relief to finally meet him face to face after years of feeling sick to my stomach about following my dreams. My journey into the performing arts really spun his wheels.
When I found my spiritual mojo in 1988 he upped the ante, strutting his stuff in my psyche to the point that I ran off and hid in the closet many times for fear of reprisals.
I have had physical representations of him in my real life who have played out the DSM role to perfection. At soul level I totally get why they showed up. They were playing the part of my nemesis. I got great joy out of defying them and doing it anyway. At soul level I am grateful; my human self is not in the least bit forgiving just yet. I am working on it.
So why do I have a DSM as one of my troupe?
He is a survival archetype. When we are children we have to abide by the rules of those who have our power of attorney which are figures of authority. Family, carers, teachers, leaders, clergy.
We have to bow down to their regime in order to have the basics of life: food, shelter, clothing and safety.
For a creative soul, a daydreamer, visionary soul such as myself, I was never destined to be stuck in a nine-to-five job doing the same old stuff day in day out. I dreamed of being an actress and performer. That did not fit in at all with the DSM's in my inner circle who emphatically dissuaded me from following that path, of course to no avail.
My desire to follow my heart was greater than my fear of the DSM's and that is the key to keeping one's DSM in line.
Is my desire to do whatever is in my heart greater than my fear of it? Or is it just a possibility that I may play with for a while then leave it on the conveyor belt for someone else whose desire is greater than mine?
Every archetype has a shadow side and a light side. The shadow side tells me to get a haircut and get a job; to give up my fanciful notion of working for myself being a Soulologist and Life Coach.
The light side of my DSM is like a inner life coach, albeit a very loud and OTT (over the top) one.
Instead of being a naysayer he confronts me to decide how much I really, really, really want to do what I am doing. Do I have what it takes?
How much do you want this? How much huh? Do you really have what it takes to be a Soulologist? What the hell is that anyway? Do you know yourself? How can you teach others to truly be themselves if you are a coward and run back into the closet every time it gets a bit scary?"
I can hear some of you saying that surely there is a more gentle way of doing this and you may be right. For now though, he and I are working on finding a middle ground.
He was the one who when I wrote down what I needed to get done today told me to write beside all of the items - 'Just do it!' Those three little words written with such powerful intent spurred me to get them done. I have achieved three of the four today, this blog being one of them.
He is the one who tells me to 'show up'. To exercise my 'self-discipline' muscle. When you work for yourself with only yourself every day, it's challenging to find the impetus and motivation to do what needs to be done when there is no one overseeing your work and progress.
He is also the one who knows what to do in a crisis. I am mostly pretty good in a crisis although he, like me, is not great in earthquakes or coming across a spider.
Like all the voices in my head, DSM serves a higher purpose and is more than happy to be my ally rather than my enemy. Once in a while he gives me a smile and a pat on the back which I take as being that I have done well.
He's gone off now to rally the troops, the cast of characters that he is the self-appointed leader of.
They all huff and puff at him. Petal snorts and takes to the skies. She has no intention of being one of the gang. He is telling them that I am writing about HIM today and that he is mostly pleased with what I have told you.
He is tapping his watch and telling me that I have to get this out to the world or risk being put on report. You can thank my DSM for you receiving this blog today. I might have spent the day procrastinating.
If you are procrastinating about taking action on something, get in touch with your light sided DSM and hopefully they will tell you to - 'Just Do It!'
Signing off now until I get something 'Write From My Heart.'
Over and out.
Olwynne is a Soulologist and Life Coach, Teacher, Speaker and Writer who specialises in the soul's journey through the fields of reincarnation, past lives, life between lives, life after death, human consciousness, intuition, spirituality, health and well-being. She has studied and practised for 28 years in these fields.