What is a Gatekeeper you maybe asking?
My personal experience of the Gatekeeper is an archetypal guardian who stands at the threshold of your personal boundaries and vets everything and everyone that wants to enter your personal space. 
They are your energetic intuitive personal PA, Manager or Chief of Staff. Their role is vital for your well-being and your safety on all levels.
Like the medieval Gatekeepers of old they call to whatever and whoever wants to enter your space to identify themselves and their intentions, "Who goes there and what do you want?" If the prospective enteree does not meet the criteria, they are sent packing, the drawbridge remains in place and the portcullis stays lowered.
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For many years of my adult life I struggled with agoraphobia. To describe it briefly, it can manifest as a fear of the outdoors, public places, being in crowds. Sometimes it's so severe that it brings on panic attacks. Agoraphobia can shut you down at many levels.  Mine ranged from mild to full blown panic attacks. It was so bad at one stage that I couldn't go out to my clothes line or the mailbox.

To others it seemed irrational, that I was being stupid or a drama queen. For me it was absolutely terrifying and very confusing. I didn't want to be this way, I wanted to be able to function normally. My children were young and I needed to be able to take them to school, go to sports days and on school outings. The supermarket was an ordeal.

Along with the agoraphobia I experienced medium to strong claustrophobia and when they arrived together,  internal hell would break loose.

On the outside I appeared to be a confident, eloquent, full of life young woman. I was directing/producing theatrical shows and going about my life in what seemed to be a normal way. I hid it from my family and friends for fear they would think I was mad.  

I knew that it had deep roots embedded in my past somewhere. When it first began, I was not on my spiritual path and had no idea about past lives or archetypes. 
After my out of body experience in 1988, I started going to mediums and psychics and I met a wonderful lady who, like me, was agoraphobic.

She had employed the skills of a hypnotherapist who was helping her take small steps towards a normal life, so I signed up for sessions and they made a huge difference. They didn't cure me but they helped take the severity out of the situation and enabled me to have some power whenever I found myself in an agoraphobic situation.

It wasn't until I read Caroline Myss's book Sacred Contracts around 2009 and was charting my archetypal wheel, that I met up with the Gatekeeper part of my psyche. I had no idea that I even had one.  There was no mention of the Gatekeeper in her book, but none the less I had one. 

​My Gatekeeper was almost running my life.  To describe this to you I have to draw a mental picture of how this archetype showed itself to me.

Visualize if you will a large castle complete with moat, drawbridge, battlements, towers, courtyards, sentries, dining halls, ballrooms and lots and lots of guest rooms. Everything that any self respecting castle could have.
You would think I would be living the high life with the best bedroom in the house and access to the full grandeur of this place that was mine.

Far from it. Instead, I lived in the tiny room at the top of the small tower with just enough space for a bed, a tiny dresser, no wardrobe, no clothes, no gold or jewels and was cold and damp.

Everyone else, God knows who they all were, occupied my castle. They ate all my food, drank my wine, wore my clothes, took my horses etc. In short they ran riot in my castle and used up everything I had. When it was all gone, they moved on to the next sucker who had an unhealthy Gatekeeper issue.

I would do what I could to replenish everything with the little I had, until the next intake of uninvited guests would arrive and do the same again.

Why and how did this happen? It happened because my Gatekeeper was a 'hail fellow well met' which according to Wikipaedia is a somewhat archaic English idiom used when referring to a person whose behaviour is hearty, friendly, and congenial. I will add to the description from Cambridge Dictionaries Online - sometimes in a way that is not sincere. He would let anyone in to my castle. The sentries were less than useless. Instead of being on duty looking out for anyone approaching, they were all down in the guard house playing cards and drinking ale with women on their knees having a rollicking good time. The drawbridge was permanently down and the portcullis was up which gave access to anyone and everyone. The Gatekeeper was sitting in his room with his feet up waving to everyone who went past, inviting them to have a great time and to make use of anything they needed.

The other part of this story is that while others could wander freely into my castle and leave when they wanted, I on the other hand could not.

Whenever I tried to leave, the Gatekeeper and the Sentries, would appear from their revelry on high alert and bar my way, telling me vehemently that if I went out there, they could not keep me safe. I would surely perish and something bad would most certainly take place.

So there I was, for many years, a prisoner to my beliefs, locked up inside myself, fearful of the outside and being sucked dry by my need to save everyone else from their darkness.

I couldn't say no to anyone and was a sucker for a lame dog and the homeless, helpless people whose needs were more important than mine. Somewhere along my souls path I had developed the belief that if my needs were met then someone else had to go without.

I was outraged at my gatekeeper when I discovered what had been going on. The first thing I did was fire him and his sentries, sending them on their way. It was such a relief.  I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and that I could begin to take control of my life.  

From that moment on I decided I would be in control of whomever came through my gate. I had no need of sentries. I kicked everyone out and began the journey of being my own best friend.

The agoraphobia that had plagued me no longer ruled my life at all. I realised that I had manifested it to draw my attention to investigate the larger issue of my powerlessness and its source.

Where did this stem from? Firstly from my tribe/family. 
We learn from our tribe very early on about personal boundaries. 
When we arrive our tribe takes care of everything for us. They decide where we will live, what we will eat, who we will like and dislike, how our hair will be cut, what we will wear... the list goes on and on. Our survival depends upon conforming to their ways and beliefs. This happens from inside the tribe although it is very different today from when I grew up, with so many children going to daycare centres when they are weeks old, looked after by nannies or having preschool education from an early age, but our tribe are predominantly the ones who teach us about personal boundaries. 

Hopefully our family/tribe have good personal boundaries and we inherit their healthy ways of looking after ourselves. However, if they are not and at an early age in order to survive, we have had to allow our personal boundaries to be breached, we will then go on to allow this to continue into our adulthood and live our lives accordingly.

My Gatekeeper had been set up to ensure my survival. That was the only way I could make sure that I was looked out for and that some of my basic needs were met. I was unaware that I needed to reset the parameters of my survival boundaries to accommodate my grown-up self. Thankfully I have now.  It is never too late to redraw your boundaries or to learn what is healthy and right for you.

How proactive is your Gatekeeper? 
A healthy Gatekeeper archetype will protect your boundaries, alert you to possible unhealthy situations or people and give you the option for a situation to continue or be aborted before it has a chance to take place.
In a nutshell... you are in control, aware and conscious of your personal space, your life choices and why you are making them. You will say yes and no when you mean it.

An unhealthy Gatekeeper archetype can be determined by answering the following questions.
Do you give more than you have? Do you feel used up by everyone and everything? Having trouble saying yes or no when you really need to? Is other people's time more important than yours? Do people bend your ear for hours on end while you smile sweetly, nodding in what you hope are the right places because you zoned out ages ago, but don't want to be rude? Do you put everyone else's needs first and throw yourself under the bus to maintain peace and equilibrium? Do you give your resources away, even though you really need them yourself, so that people will like you? Are you afraid to go out or take part in activities outside your home or narrow comfort zone?
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If you answer yes to any of these questions then you need a Gatekeeper makeover.
Whatever job description your Gatekeeper is working under needs a lot of revision. If they are resistant to change, then it's time to get your HR division to find you a new Gatekeeper and put the old one out to pasture.
Or maybe hire one for the first time. You may not have one in place.

Whatever is playing out at your castle I suggest you check in on your Gatekeepers job description and decide whether that part of your archetypal psyche has your best interests at heart.

I am my own Gatekeeper now and I most definitely ask "Who goes there and what do you want?" before I allow anyone to come across my drawbridge and into my inner sanctum and I can go out freely with joy and without fear.  It makes for a healthier, happier life and better relationships with others and most importantly with myself.

It's time to love yourself and put yourself first - you deserve it.
The drawbridge is going up now and I am having an at home this evening, I hope you are too.

Catch you next time something comes 'write from my heart.'

I know fear intimately. We have had a long association which means that my fight and flight system is a well oiled machine. During the Canterbury earthquakes it got a real work out; I still prick up my senses and react like a Meerkat when I hear a rumbling noise. I consider that is a positive thing as I may need to flee, seek protection or take action. But my unhealthy relationship with fear started at a very early age to deal with the rigours of my home life and the carnage that followed.
Fear has been a constant companion, holding me in its grip, masquerading as an invisible dark presence that would take over without warning, sabotaging so much of my life. 

As I mentioned in Part 1, I have two women to thank in part for my sanity, rescuing me from the abyss of fear -  Martha Beck and Caroline Myss.
​They inspired me to create a set of characters which enabled me to see fear for what and who it really was. Through this process I have been able to shine a light on the darkness that so often pervaded my being. 
Martha Beck, who is a Life Coach of world wide repute, writes ​in her book, Steering By Starlight, about our 'lizard-self' and suggests to her readers that we give our lizard-self - our fight and flight personality, a name. Thanks to Martha, I was able to put my over active imagination to good use and visualise my lizard-self.

​In a previous blog, I introduced you to the Critical Critic. Here is another of the troupe, I would like you to meet Petal.  She is a resplendent, iridescent, winged, fire breathing dragon. Her mantra is, "We are all going to die. The sky is falling, the sky is falling." 
She looks very much like a combination of Dame Edna Everage and Patsy & Eddy (Absolutely Fabulous).  She is a drama queen.
Petal was in her element during the Canterbury earthquakes and  when I am a passenger in a car. Her nostrils flare and she pulls herself up to her almost fullest height, puffing and snorting; ask anyone of my family about how much they 'love' me being their passenger. But Petal is at her most resplendent when I get on board a plane.
Flying or the thought of flying before I discovered Petal, was an event that brought on severe anxiety. When on board the plane the only thing preventing me from running screaming and yelling during the flight was that there was nowhere to run to.
Poor Jon... my hubby. His hands would be squeezed within an inch of their lives especially during take off and definitely when landing.

Me... Olwynne... I love the 'thought' of travelling to other parts. I even like the 'idea' of flying. Petal however does not. That all changed a few years back, when we travelled to Australia to visit family. We boarded the plane at Christchurch Airport and the aircraft had just pulled away from the terminal when Petal turned up in full force. She had been lurking around in the background huffing and puffing about how I was putting her in danger by taking her on the plane. 
The irony of this is that she flies all by herself. She has enormous wings and like Petal, I have had many amazing flying dreams throughout my life and I love them. The feeling of soaring the skies and the freedom that comes with it. She loves that too. Neither of us like someone else being in the cockpit and us not being in control.
 
Back to the plane.  She comes into my view anxiously looking around and cocking her ear to one side then the other, "What was that? Did you hear that? OOo there was a bump."
By this time my heart is racing and my palms are sweating, but I am wise to her by now.
I stop her in her tracks and talk to her with a firm voice. I really surprise myself.
"Petal,  you have to stop this. There is nothing happening here that requires your attention. We are taxing to the runway. Everyone is going about their normal business. If that changes and the cabin crew or captain tell us that we need to act, I will need you, but otherwise until that happens, go back to sleep. You are spoiling what is a great experience for me."

She looked hurt for a bit and then she nodded in acknowledgement that I was right and everything was ok. A few times throughout the flight she poked her head in to see what was happening and I would reassure her that all was well.  We landed in Melbourne and I can say in all honesty that it was the first time I had ever flown and hadn't wanted to abandon ship mid-air.
Since that day I have flown to Australia by myself and it was great. She was there with me, only this time she flew alongside the plane and loved every minute of it.

Having her with me reminds me of the wonderful movie Pete's Dragon. Petal is my Eliot. Like Pete, I needed her when I was a child because there was a lot of reason to fight or flee. 
But I am a big girl now, I wear big girl panties and I just needed to let Petal know that I am all grown up and can take care of myself.  
We go flying together and watch each other backs. She still does the 'what was that' stuff but not as often and we laugh when she overreacts and it is nothing. 

She has helped me to see that if something is going to happen there is not a lot I can do about it and what I imagined, might never happen. If I continue to live in fear, then I will miss what is happening and that would be the greatest travesty of them all.

We're off now. We have our Biggles goggles and flying helmets on. The wind is up and the sky is blue. Off into the wild blue yonder!

See you next time, when I introduce you to another of the voices in my head.

Please feel free to post your comments below. I love knowing your thoughts, insights and ideas.

Being more of myself has been the MOST challenging thing I have ever done and I chose a life full of challenges this time around.
I have received brickbats and bouquets in equal amounts and the brick bats really hurt. I am told you have to grow a thicker skin. Mine is still thin and I bruise easily, but I am not going to grow a thicker one, because that will mean that I have to be someone I am not.
The world is full of critics. I learned about the critic archetype early on in my life. Then I joined the theatre fraternity as an actor, then as a Producer, Director, Choreographer & Writer. Being critiqued is an integral part of the journey. I have also been the critic and dished out my fair share of brickbats and bouquets. Those on the receiving end were either dashed to the ground or buoyed by my comments. 
The external critics are pretty easy to spot. The Inner Critic - I call her the Critical Critic -  is the one who has the most to say and does the most damage. I have a pretty active one of those myself.
She is part of a troupe of archetypal characters who play out in my psyche daily, dishing out their brand of 'words of wisdom' to me through their authoritarian personalities, resulting in my feeling crushed and ready to give up, give in and run for the hills.
One of my earliest critics was my Mum. She believed she didn't receive much praise in her early life  from her mother either and so she transmuted her experience on to us.
When I would tell her about how I felt or what I saw, about my dreams and fantasies, she would tell me with her tone of derision, that I had an overactive imagination, which meant that she didn't believe me and that I was being stupid.
Bless her for challenging me in that way. Her actions just made my imagination grow even bigger and brighter. It has guided me through some seriously daunting passages so far and still serves me today.
Through my overactive imagination, I began to see Critical Critic and her ensemble cast of naysayers, as characters who operated either as individuals or banded together as a team.
They took shape in my mind as larger than life characters strutting around in my psyche having their say whenever they felt like it, at their most satisfied when I gave them attention and completely justified when I gave them my power by believing what they said about me.

When I allowed this to happen on the inside, then I would manifest someone externally who would reiterate what they had been saying to me. Spooky aye.  At first I would be floored, shocked and hurt and then I realised that these willing souls were just playing their part too, by delivering me the message from the outside so that I could feel it at a conscious level. What was really spooky was that it was always what one or more of my inner troupe was saying to me about myself.
What does my Critical Critic say to me? Firstly she doesn't talk to me in the first person, only in the third. She is talking about me not to me. That really pushes my buttons because it is as if she is gossiping to someone about me and running me down behind my back. I really dislike that.
This is the kind of thing she says, "She will never amount to anything. She has had so many opportunities in her life to do something with her life but she always blows it."
"She is a has been."  "She has not credibility."  
I can see her in my minds eye. She is average height. Average build. All around she is pretty average. Looks like your typical 50's housewife. Goes to all the right groups, clubs. Is in the clique of all the other average people in the world. She fits right in. She is not liked or disliked by anyone. Conforms to everything and everyone. Has little ambition and most certainly wouldn't step outside the norm.

If by now you Googling psychology 101 to see what kind of kook I really am, you can save your energy. I am not your average person on any level and am most certainly certifiable. But through my madness I know who and what she represents for me. Critical Critic is who I have felt I 'should' have been so that my life would be easier and supposedly happier. 
But you know what; I would have really lost my mind being her and it wasn't in part of my souls journey to be her. Doesn't mean she didn't try her hardest to live through me.
That brings me to the word 'should'.  Ban it from your vocabulary. It is filled with obligation, regret, conformity and blame. 
Where did she come from? She is a manifestation of the era I was raised in. My parents and grandparents mantra was 'what will people think.' They all judged each other on so many levels. Women knew their place and weren't encouraged to be anything more. 
I believe women born in 50's 60's & early 70's are the bridge builders for the new generation of women who are now offered mostly unlimited opportunities to live their lives however they wish.  When I was at high school, my option subjects were Home Economics - that is cooking and how to run a household - for those who don't know. Clothing which was sewing. Shorthand Typing. Typing on its own. Bookkeeping and French for those who were really bright.
We were being funnelled into office work, homemaking, teaching, nursing and shop assistants.
That was until we were either married and or pregnant, preferably married first. That didn't happen for me. Then we left the workforce and became the homemaker. Women didn't have ideas above their station as my mother would remind me with regular monotony, and yet she was far from the norm herself.
So how did I deal with Critical Critic? I talk with her now and tell her that its ok to truly be her.
​If she is happy being her average self that is ok, but not to try and change me to make herself feel better. She told me that she wants to be more like me! Can you believe it! 
The rest of the troupe are all sitting in the corner tut tutting calling her a traitor, but we will work on them too.
I will introduce you to another one of them next time.  Until then, be kind to yourself and make friends with your 'inner critic.' Doesn't mean you have to agree with them or like what they say or do, just try to see them as someone you have created to teach you something very important about your inner self.
Until next time, this is Critical Critic and me signing off. We are going to do something out of her comfort zone. That'll get the tongues wagging.

Toodles.

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT BELOW.  I LOVE YOUR FEEDBACK. 

Hello dear ones,
I always know when something in my life has come to an end, because I find myself on the outside of a door that has no handle on it.... in other words there is No Way Back. 
What do I do now, plays in my head. To add to the angst, I find myself standing on a ledge with mist around me. Not just a little bit of mist but thick mist and you don't step in any direction when you can't see your hand in front of your face.
How do I find my way from this place? I relax. I go inside. I listen and feel. I pay attention to what is around me intuitively and when something appears through the mist I feel my way into it and let my heart tell me if it is worth stepping off my ledge for.
The other way I converse with my higher self in times of confusion and crisis, is to go inwards and sit by my fire. I build a fire in a clearing by a lake or on the seashore, and sit there contemplating/reviewing previous events and letting them go. Through this process, insights come to me and I allow myself the grace and time to be in the stillness by my fire.
Before I know it I am up and walking towards my next life experience.
I recently organised a reunion with some special people whom I had shared a theatrical experience in 2001. These wonderful people hold a special place in my heart.  I have considered writing a sequel to the show we created together with the knowledge that I can't go back and recreate what we had. However, if my heart is willing I may choose to create a new and exciting project into which I can invite these amazing people and those that feel it is right for them will get on board and those that don't won't.
The thing to remember is you can't GET BACK TOGETHER. The important word there is BACK. You can REUNITE but you can't go back.
​Let's apply this to a relationship. However the relationship has ended, by death or parting of the ways, then the only way now is to go forward. If your relationship was wonderful and filled you with love then you can have that again maybe not with that person but with someone else. There is never just one person for us. If it wasn't great BACK there why would you want to return to how it was before? 
I have clients who come for coaching and insights into their often complex and challenging  lives.
Some have their Let's Live In The Past belief systems on and are most often looking at themselves as failures or at other persons faults and failings, instead of looking inside themselves and bearing witness to the glaringly obvious fact that they have changed. 
The door has shut on their old relationship/job/friendship/life in general long ago and they have been spending their precious time trying to craft a door handle so they can go back, because going forward is way to scary.
​Life is calling you into the unknown. Your inner voice is saying, 'turn around and look into the mist. You are attempting to fix what is not broken; be patient with yourself.  Stop trying to fashion a door handle out of a shoe lace and your cell phone charger, because you won't succeed. Out there in the mist is your new life. The one you detoured off from, all that time ago, so you could learn and grow from the experiences of the path you chose. Now you are at the crossroads again and again you have choices to make. Do you follow your heart, or your fears and beliefs that no longer serve you?
We applaud your choice to struggle and sweat because you believe that it builds character and makes you stronger. However prolonged periods of such activities will make you weak and frail. You will lose heart for your life, resulting in a loss of belief in the wonder of your existence. 
Turn around and look into the mist. There is a light there. It maybe small and you have to blink a few times to allow your brain to acknowledge its existence, but the more that you focus on it the brighter it will become to you.'
You can't get your life wrong. There is no wrong. There is just you and your souls journey through time and space. Stop, reflect. Keep it simple do it really well. Enjoy. Relax. Celebrate. Contemplate and most of all be kind to yourself. 
There you go. Put down your feeble escape tools and surrender to your inner peacefulness. Build a fire. Sing a song, write, draw, imagine, create, fantasise. Give your heart and soul some well needed attention.'
When there is no way back be grateful because out there in the mist is your new adventure. It's longing for you just as much as you are for it.
​Go well and go in peace.
Olwynne.

Have you ever uttered in times of anguish or reflection, that if you had your life over, you would do things differently?
Wouldn’t it be wonderful to wipe your slate clean?
To start a debt free, fresh, unencumbered life where you are at peace with your past choices and actions?
Wouldn’t it be great to finally understand WHY your life's played out as it has?
You see and understand clearly from your soul’s perspective, the choices you made to be here and why you have come to experience them?

You can answer yes to all of those questions.  
The next question is HOW?
To better understand HOW you are able to answer these questions we must talk about Reincarnation and Karma.
Reincarnation is a fundamental element in our tree of life and Karma is a major supporting branch of the divine gift of being given a second chance, that we can only dream of in our human existence. Reincarnation and Karma give us the opportunity to experience multiple lifetimes, electing the life path that offers us our greatest learning experience.
These lives resemble fictions stories playing out in real life. They offer many genres and multiple roles to be played by us all to fulfil our Karmic quest. We are akin to actors in a play, where we act out our parts together, some are heroes and some are villains. What we don’t like to remember is that we may have been the ‘villain’ in a previous incarnation and we want to ‘do penance’ for our previous past life actions. Fortunately, the Law of Karma allows us to return in yet another life to put that right – to make a different choice – to see and experience how it feels from the other side of the action. That is how karma works.

We asked spirit to explain Karma to us in simple terms – this is their reply.
‘Karma is the means to put right what has been done wrong. To see and experience life from another point of experience, an eye for an eye but with love and divinity.  Do unto others and it shall be done unto you, except that this not the wrath of a God who deems that you need punishing for your sins, this happens wholly by your choice; the one you made in spirit to experience life from the other side of the coin.’

Karma is not a punishment or just about the ‘bad’ things we have done quite the opposite. It is a divine tool that offers us the opportunity to ‘balance our books’ through learning from both sides of the experience. We incarnate with the same souls with which we incurred the karma, allowing us the opportunity to experience what we acted upon in previous lives from the other side. This is our conscious choice to willingly return again with these souls and play out scenarios that are for the greater learning of all involved.

Karma represents the sum of our actions through all lifetimes as well as any soul contracts we have entered into that are unfulfilled. We make vows and pledges in lifetimes that may still be in play today that no longer serve us, just as we do in this lifetime.

A LightPath Journey client of mine I had the privilege of working with some years ago, was able to discover that this lifetime, although not a happy one, was their conscious choice to repay a karmic debt from a previous incarnation. It has helped them begin to heal the hurt through greater understanding of what this lifetime was about and why those closest to them, have acted in the way they did towards them.

Another of my clients made a pledge in a previous lifetime to a man with whom she had a passionate and ill-fated relationship. When the relationship ended she vowed never to love another man the way she had loved him. She was heartbroken. Her life ended sadly.
In this lifetime she met up with him again and again she fell in love. Just as in the previous lifetime the relationship was passionate, short-lived and she was left heartbroken.
She had other relationships but she couldn’t get him out of her system. She thought of him every day and dreamed of them being together. 25 years later she was still holding onto the feelings of loss of his love even though she was happily married.

Through her LightPath Journey experience she discovered that lifetimes ago she had made the vow and that it was still valid in this lifetime as pledges and vows not revoked, still remain in place and play out from lifetime to lifetime.
She was able to revoke her pledge with love and give gratitude for the learning. Her lesson was that no one soul can be everything to us and that making such adamant vows and pledges in our human state, gives them so much power over us. I am happy to say that she has been able to let him go, and is living a full and happy life, finally unburdened by her fixation upon this man.
By clearing this Karmic lesson, she also freed the soul of the man from having to play this out with her from lifetime to lifetime. When we make a breakthrough we effectively take one for the team, not only freeing ourselves from having to play the scenario out again but also the other souls who are also involved in our Karmic lesson.

Whatever is playing out in your life, you can be sure that you were the divine creator of it all and when you finally realise this you will see yourself and your life through a new set of eyes.  Go well and be kind to yourself.

​It was February in NZ, the third trimester of summer. 
Vibrant green grass flanked by lush trees that have benefited from good rain and warm sunshine surround our home, their roots buried in the warm earth.  Birds sing incessantly to express their delight at the abundance of a bountiful summer.
Other than the native trees and shrubs, our garden consists of a few lettuces, some herbs, roses, hydrangeas, fruit trees, pots of flowering plants and most unexpectedly eight self-sown tomato plants.
Their appearance was a wonderful surprise to us, as we were discussing making a trip to the garden centre to purchase our supply for the season. However, last seasons plants left their seeds behind in the earth, giving life to eight of their progeny who have taken up residence in our plot.
They look very happy where they are clustered together as if in a family group. We didn’t have the heart to break them up and shift them around so we have left them exactly where they decided to surface.
One of the plants has established itself away from the others and we respect its right to be that plant, as there is always one that doesn’t want to fit in with the crowd.
No group would be complete without the runt of the litter whose tiny frame is diminished amongst the towering vines of its siblings.
Of course they didn't take root directly in line with the stakes we had set up from the previous year but that's ok. We decided to work with them and move the stakes to accommodate their birth place and allow them to bloom where they were planted by their parents.
Flowers have appeared on their vines which brings promise of fruit but I really don’t mind if they aren’t fruit bearing, I am just so glad to have them show up in my garden.
The presence of our little self sown tomatoes reminds me of how we like to rip out and rearrange everything so that it fits in with our idea of how it should be, in preference to allowing life to show up in its natural state and to work with what comes to pass.
Bloom where we are planted. The natural world knows how to access this phenomenon, its we humans who struggle with wanting everything our way in our time or else.
Let’s not be under any illusion that if we had not nurtured the tiny tomato plants and protected them a little, they would almost certainly not have survived the dry spell of weather in their early lives.
Unlike our little plants, perhaps you were not well protected or nurtured in your younger years either or to the contrary you had an idyllic childhood with model parents, either way both have shaped the person you are now.
All each of us need is an opportunity to nourish our soul so that we can bloom,  grow beautiful and strong too like the little tomatoes.
They are not magnificent roses or luscious orchids they are tomatoes, and tomatoes are beautiful gifts of life to us. 
From fresh juicy tomatoes we can make so many delectable dishes and in some cultures the tomato is a staple fruit that feeds families and brings bounty to the grower.
Like the humble little tomato, you are made of stardust and are as ancient as dirt. 
Never underestimate how important your life is firstly to yourself and then to the universe which you inhabit. Your seeds weren’t developed here on Earth. They were created in the cosmos along with everything that is and made manifest here as the divine being you are today.
Why do we find it hard to remember our magnificently humble beginnings? I believe it is because our earthly experience dulls our true identity and we forget that we are made up a of spiritual DNA that does not die when we leave our body. Quite the contrary, it continues with us from life time to life time awaiting our attention.  Our trials and tribulations are what bring our attention to focus on the possibility that we are more than just flesh and bone. 
Norman Vincent Peale is quoted as saying, “ Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.”
If you are anything like I was recently you may have no idea what you want to do or how to find your way forward. Desperation and despair were my constant traveling companions for months until I finally surrendered and allowed my spiritual DNA to have its way.
There are some things my spiritual DNA is designed to do and there are others that it is diametrically opposed to.  It appears I was trying to go backwards up a raging swollen fast flowing river at least that is how it felt at the time. Now when I get the jitters about truly being a living expression of my authentic self, I find I am back in the raging tide of dirty water, a place I have no wish to be, so I surrender again and remember who I am and in no time I am back on solid ground, allowing the words and ideas to flow through me and onto the page.
Last year I had a vivid dream, you know the ones you remember every single thing that you did in them and the feeling is as real to you now as it was when you were in it. Well, mine was a flying dream. I NEVER forget my flying dreams.
I was standing on the edge of a precipice looking out over the vast terrain below and without warning I was walking back from the edge and then running at it with all my might to find myself not falling to my death, on the contrary, I was flying off towards the sun with my arms spread wide and my body stretched like a phoenix. 
After flying around for an undetermined amount of time enjoying the vista I was back on the edge of the precipice to once again run and fly off the edge taking to the air and circling the terrain below.
Again I was back on the edge only this time my brain had kicked in and instead of allowing my body to alight from the cliff top I screeched to a halt with only enough time to save myself from falling to my death. My heart was pounding out of my chest with fright as I realized that I had lost faith in my ability to fly, acquiescing to fear. Then deep disappointment took over from my fear and I stepped back again from the edge only this time to run without hesitation, launching myself off the edge with no thought for the outcome. My disgust at disappointing myself was greater than my fear of ending my life.
When love for ourselves and our dreams becomes greater than our fear of judgement or failure, then and only then will we find our wings and launch ourselves off the precipice of our life’s edge out into the glory of the lives we were born to live.
You planted yourself here however many years ago and whatever your life so far you are still here just like my tomato plants. This means that you are doing something right.
I know you have probably heard this so many times so here it is again… don’t wait to do the important things in your life.
Don’t wait until you have a new job or a partner or more money or enough money or to be skinnier or brighter or your children grow up or the planets are aligned a certain way. By constantly putting your dreams into the future you are missing out on wonderful opportunities to kick start them in the now.
It's time to see how magical this life you are living truly is. How when you take small steps towards your dream or goal, you will become the change that you have been wishing for. Every tiny step you take is a statement of commitment of your intention to bring into being something that has up until that point been only a dream or desire.
The moment you take action your intentions become manifest, your thoughts and dreams ignite and come into being.
Begin with one step whatever that may be and build on it. Love and nurture yourself as you take each step. Be your own best friend.
 My word for 2016 was Maitri a Sanskrit word translated as unconditional friendship with oneself.
I was searching for a word which would embody my intention and learning for 2016 to follow on from Authentic which was my word for 2015.
Maitri found me while I was reading a book by Pema Chodron entitled When Things Fall Apart. The title alone was enough to draw me into its pages where I discovered the word Maitri. 
The purpose is to hold the intention of the word for the year, this is not without its challenges.
I have found that it attracts opportunities to me to grow and invites change in a way I could never imagine.
Change takes place when  your desire to have something is greater than your fear of it.
This desire began within you before you came into being here and our desire to be here was greater than the sum of all possible outcomes good, bad or otherwise.
Our little tomato plants didn’t think about being judged or not being good enough or even about their survival they were just programmed to burst out of their seed pods, make a break for the light and on arrival, make the most of whatever was up there while still being tomato plants, and so did you. 
Make a break for the light and keep shining brightly.

We Are The Ones We Have Been Waiting For is the title and final line of a piece of powerful wisdom by Thomas Banyacya Sr. (1910-1999); Speaker of the Wolf, Fox and Coyote Clan Elder of the Hopi Nation. (see end of blog)
 
When I read his words I feel a resonance deep inside me as if I have been spoken to by something very ancient and powerful. The words speak to me across time and space as if I was calling to myself from all my lifetimes, to remember why I had been born, lived and died, and why I am here now.
To incarnate here is a courageous decision made and acted upon by all of us. It is one of many leaps of faith we consciously make along the path of our souls journey.
Why do we make this journey you may ask? Because we can. Because it is how we learn and grow. Each day of our lives is an act or courage and determination.
I know now that I was going to need a lot of courage to live this life I had chosen.  It would take everything I could muster to get through the early years and what got me there was my dream of a better life.

I dreamed of a time when there would be no more abuse of power over children. Where children had a voice. I dreamed of a world where abuse of children by those who had power over them was no longer acceptable and that those who chose to prey on the innocent would be brought to justice. That time has come as we witness the bringing to the light of the abuse of the children and the world is horrified and so it should be.
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I dreamed of a time that would allow myself and other like-minded souls the freedom to embrace our spiritual beliefs without fear of death or persecution. I dreamed of a world where there was equality of opportunity for everyone. A world where we are free to express our true selves without fear of reprisal. This is a work is progress with huge inroads being made around the globe. Long may it continue.

Change is about our willingness to want a better life. A more healthy happy and spiritual life. It is being more consciousness of our intentions, how we act upon them and how that affects consciousness of all that is.
It is challenging enough to get through each day but to affect change we must step up another notch and live with passion, act with purpose and be mindful of our thoughts and feeling and conscious of our intentions before we act upon them. 
For every action there is a consequence. The intention behind that action will determine the outcome of the consequence. Some call this Karma. The law of cause and effect. But that subject is for another time. I want to leave this world a better place than I found it. For me leaving this world a better place when I depart, is not just about a clean green earth free from pollution, it is about how I lived this life and the impact my actions and intentions had on all things I come in contact with.  
I've had to do a lot of soul searching for my actions have not always been saintly. I have hurt others by my selfish fear filled ways.
 
I believe in reincarnation, that I have lived before this lifetime and that I will live beyond this one. Maybe in all our lifetimes, our desire for change caused us to act in some way that has brought about the changes in this one.  I hope so.

I want to leave behind a world where we more aware of each other. Where we take responsibility for ourselves. Where we don’t have to compete with each other for power and use our power with love as opposed to our power without love. Both are equally powerful. That to me is a sign of spiritual maturity.
I am heartened by the opening of our hearts and minds to the infinite possibilities that are available to us as we see ourselves and each other as souls on a journey together through time and space.
I am so pleased that what I could only dream of has in most part become a reality. It was all worth it. 

There is no better time or place than now to embrace our spirituality in our own unique way. There is still so much more to do.
We must seize the day. We are the idea whose time has come and we shouldn’t hold back from the pursuit of our truth… that we are spirit being human and that we have lived before in many times and places and will continue to do so.  We are our own ancestors and will become our descendants.  That no one sits in judgement of us when we die, and that our natural state is love, peace, joy and forgiveness. That was on display in abundance in the past days in my home city, Christchurch New Zealand  as we responded to the mass shootings at our local mosques. The good shone through thousands of people sharing their love and support of the Muslim families who had lost loved ones and cared for their injured.
I believe we don't have to go through anyone to find God or The Is or whatever name you may give the divine consciousness to which we all belong; we are already in direct contact with whomever we need to help us on our journey.
There are no need for trappings to express our divinity, we are all we need. Our arrival into the earth plane was humble. The only physical trapping we had was our body and we leave that behind when we depart. What we do leave is our imprint on everyone and everything we come in contact with.
 
Since we first took shape on the Earth plane, when faced with adversity and strife, we dreamed of a time when that will not be so. Acts of power without love are no longer acceptable in our family, our community, country or the world at large. If enough people become willing to be open minded and raise their awareness of themselves and others, then change will happen without violence or force.
All it takes is one person to ignite the flame and then pass it to others who have the courage to light a torch from it and pass it on to others with love, hope and faith.
It is time to stand in our power and embrace the lives we have chosen to live for We Are The Ones We Have Been Waiting for. We are the voices and hearts of those who can bring about change. It is never too late to make a difference. ©Olwynne Cade 2016
 
​Keep shining brightly.
Olwynne Cade